Tottenham Hotspur cordially invites you to the unveiling of the world’s first fully-interactive digital experience for children to be created and developed by a football club.
Please register your interest in interview time with Club Ambassador Ledley King when replying.
Date: Wednesday xth August
Time: 9am – 10.30am
Location: Hangar Seven, 230 City road, EC1V 2QY (Old Street overground and tube)
I hope you can join us for this event Jason.
This is my response
Dear Tottenham Hotspur PR bod,
I thank you for your email inviting me to the unveiling of your digital experience for children. Unfortunately I feel that I am not a member of your target audience, me being an Arsenal fan and all. There was a hint of my allegiance to Arsenal in the email address you sent your kind invitation to – GoonerJamie@sky.com. I could understand your mistake if my email was WeAreABigTeamHonest@sky.com, or MindTheGap@sky.com, or even GlenHoddleWasPeleInAPreviousLife@sky.com, but I am indeed a Gooner and one called Jamie (not Jason).
With regard to the actual content of your email, asking my child to participate in ‘Tottenham’s fully-interactive digital experience’ would be akin to asking her to eat a piece of dog poop that has been laying in the sun in the gutter for so long it’s turned white – you don’t want my child to eat poop do you?
Why on earth would I encourage a child to interact with a team that last won the top flight league before the rocket that took Neil Armstrong to the moon had even made it off the drawing board? In fact I know more people that believe in the moon landing than the conspiracy theory that is a winning Tottenham team. Of course I’ve seen the pictures of Danny Blanchflower holding the trophy and yes, I presume they weren’t photoshopped as that’s almost impossible to do in sepia tone.
As to meeting Ledley King, I do worry that he would drop my child, unused as he is to picking something up. I also worry he may injure himself in the process and therefore be forced to sit with Darren Anderton for all eternity.
So to surmise, Thank you for your kind but misguided offer, if I am ever feeling suicidal and worthless I shall pop by and visit (much akin to visiting Asda when I’m feeling ugly).
Happy St Totteringham’s Day