I'm a nice bloke - Vote for me

Two things happened to me this week that I thought I would share with you (alright, I appreciate that obviously more than two things happened to me, but these are the two that I thought worth mentioning, unless you want to hear about bowel movements of course?)  Firstly @Trampy_joe  over at http://neildad.blogspot.com/ tagged me in a ’10 things we don’t know about you’ post, and secondly I was nominated, then chosen as one of the five finalists, in the Gurgle 2011 Awards for Best Daddy Blog.  I have no idea who nominated me, although I rather suspect it was my Mum, but whoever you are, thanking you most kindly.

You can vote for me (or one of the others I guess, it’s a free country and of course you are allowed to trample all over my feelings) at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MS7M82K .  I’m not going to beg but please, please, please vote for me because I would quite like to meet Mylene Klass (the host) and talk to her about her classical music.

So here are 10 things you didn’t know about me and please don’t let anything you read here influence your voting decision in any way, shape, or form.

1.       Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings I wander the streets of South Woodford helping little old ladies cross the roads.  Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons I spend helping confused old ladies who are inexplicably stuck on the wrong side of busy roads.

2.       I operate a butterfly hospital from my back garden where I repair wings and landing feet of injured butterflies.  I also run a self esteem course for the plain white ones where I hand paint bright patterns on their otherwise dull wings.

3.       On Tuesdays and Thursdays I put on my ‘You are not the weaker sex and I’m not mistaking plumpness for pregnancy’ T-shirt, then I ride the trains - giving up my seat for women young and old.

4.       I always, always, let cars out of the side streets when I’m driving down a main road.  Who cares that it then means that I have to start the school run at 3am?  If I can save a bit of your impatience then I’m a happy man.

5.       I believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.  I also believe teachers are worth their weight in gold (even in today’s over inflated markets) and children make for excellent guide dogs. Win, win.

6.       When I live up north I vote Labour.  When I live down south I vote Tory.  When I’m temporarily hospitalised for my own protection, I vote Lib Dem.

7.       I do not believe Women are tetchy and illogical one week in every four, it is purely a coincidence.  An even if you are, it’s our fault anyway and we deserve whatever abuse comes our way.

8.       At the weekends I enjoy taking my children to different gardens in the South East of England.  Granted, they are Beer gardens, but they do enjoy a glass of lemonade and a packet of crisps whilst running between the tables.

9.       I think all babies are beautiful, even the ginger ones, or the mono-browed ones, or the non-identical twin ones.  There’s even a place in society for the ones that permanently look like they’re taking a dump, even when eating.

10.   At award ceremonies I would always dedicate my undeserved win to all the hard-working and underrated Mums and Dads of the world, they are so much more deserving than me and I’m just thankful to be a parent.

So with tongue firmly in cheek, I ask you again to do the right thing and VOTE FOR ME at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MS7M82K .  A vote for me will not only let me continue some of the good works listed above, but it will also make you feel like the good minded citizen you obviously are.  Plus, as the vote is anonymous, you will be doing a completely unselfish act and it’s not often you can say that.

The Honest Scrap Blogger Award

A fellow blogger, twitterer, and lovely gal Wendy Morrell aka @quillfeather, whose blog is at http://quillfeather-blog.blogspot.com/ ,has given me the Honest Scrap Blogger Award. Thanking you most kindly. Just as I was about to give my acceptance speech, I took a look at the small print. There are rules? Rules? I just knew there had to be a catch, you don't get nothing for nothing in this world. These are the rules of the award:

a. 'The Honest Scrap Blogger Award' must be shared.

b. The recipient has to tell 10 (true) things about themselves that no one else knows.

3. The recipient has to pass on the award to 10 more bloggers.

d. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

So, here are my 10 things, I hope they don't scare you too much. Please try to remember that, up until reading this list, you used to like me. I am still the same old @goonerjamie OK? Cool, so settle in and welcome to a quick glimpse into my inner workings and Jamieness.

1. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I paint my left big toe with blue nail varnish. On Tuesday and Thursday I do it to my right big toe. I don't do anything at the weekends because that would be just weird.

2. I did the first part of this blog topless. I am doing the rest of it naked, and I need to hurry as it is so cold things are shrinking rapidly.

3. Double barrelled surnames scare the bejesus out of me.

4. I don't know how to spell chesse cheese, supprise surprise, or chinesse chinese. You will not believe how many times I have had to use the sentence "As a supprise I gave them some chinesse chesse."

5. My kids think my farts and burps are funny, and that makes me extremely proud.

6. I don't think drinking every day means you have an alcohol problem. I think, only drinking at the weekends means you have.

7. I think the emoticon for heart <3 look like a dangly pair of bollocks. Every time I see it I think somebody wants me to join in some tea-bagging.

8. I cringe every time I add lol to the end of a tweet. Unfortunately as I am a piss taking bastard, and there is no sarcastic font, I am forced to add it because I kept upsetting people, lol.

9. I used to add a certain illegal herb to my Bolognaise sauce, and let it brew up all day. Stress free dining at its finest.

10. I wish I could dance before 10 pints had been consumed, and stop dancing after.

Well there you go, there's my 10. Hope they haven't affected you too badly, and I refuse to pay for any therapy sessions you now may need.

So the 10 victims bloggers who have thoroughly earned the award I have bestowed upon them, in an order only known to me, are:

1. Angela Montague @angpang with Incense and Peppermints at http://angelarambleson.blogspot.com/

2. Denis Vaughan @inshin with Inshin's Blog at http://inshin.wordpress.com/

3. Tim Atkinson @dotterel with Bringing up Charlie at http://www.bringingupcharlie.co.uk/

4. Dave Bartlett @DaveBartlett1 with Bartie-Blog at http://bartie-blog.blogspot.com/

5. @omgmummy with And then there were three at http://omgip.blogspot.com/

6. Tanya Burley @LaChatNoir with La Chat Noir's Ramblings at http://lachatnoir.wordpress.com/

7. Nene La Beet @labeet with Musings of a web crazed woman at http://labeet.dk/wordpress/

8. Debra Snider @DebraSnider with Woman at Work at http://debrasnider.blogspot.com/

Oops, there are only 8. That's because every time I went to add someone, I saw that they had already done it. So there you go, please check out the above blogs plus @quillfeather's, they are all good reads and well worthy of the award