Two things happened to me this week that I thought I would share with you (alright, I appreciate that obviously more than two things happened to me, but these are the two that I thought worth mentioning, unless you want to hear about bowel movements of course?) Firstly @Trampy_joe over at http://neildad.blogspot.com/ tagged me in a ’10 things we don’t know about you’ post, and secondly I was nominated, then chosen as one of the five finalists, in the Gurgle 2011 Awards for Best Daddy Blog. I have no idea who nominated me, although I rather suspect it was my Mum, but whoever you are, thanking you most kindly.
You can vote for me (or one of the others I guess, it’s a free country and of course you are allowed to trample all over my feelings) at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MS7M82K
1. Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings I wander the streets of South Woodford helping little old ladies cross the roads. Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons I spend helping confused old ladies who are inexplicably stuck on the wrong side of busy roads.
2. I operate a butterfly hospital from my back garden where I repair wings and landing feet of injured butterflies. I also run a self esteem course for the plain white ones where I hand paint bright patterns on their otherwise dull wings.
3. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I put on my ‘You are not the weaker sex and I’m not mistaking plumpness for pregnancy’ T-shirt, then I ride the trains - giving up my seat for women young and old.
4. I always, always, let cars out of the side streets when I’m driving down a main road. Who cares that it then means that I have to start the school run at 3am? If I can save a bit of your impatience then I’m a happy man.
5. I believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. I also believe teachers are worth their weight in gold (even in today’s over inflated markets) and children make for excellent guide dogs. Win, win.
6. When I live up north I vote Labour. When I live down south I vote Tory. When I’m temporarily hospitalised for my own protection, I vote Lib Dem.
7. I do not believe Women are tetchy and illogical one week in every four, it is purely a coincidence. An even if you are, it’s our fault anyway and we deserve whatever abuse comes our way.
8. At the weekends I enjoy taking my children to different gardens in the South East of England. Granted, they are Beer gardens, but they do enjoy a glass of lemonade and a packet of crisps whilst running between the tables.
9. I think all babies are beautiful, even the ginger ones, or the mono-browed ones, or the non-identical twin ones. There’s even a place in society for the ones that permanently look like they’re taking a dump, even when eating.
10. At award ceremonies I would always dedicate my undeserved win to all the hard-working and underrated Mums and Dads of the world, they are so much more deserving than me and I’m just thankful to be a parent.
So with tongue firmly in cheek, I ask you again to do the right thing and VOTE FOR ME at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MS7M82K . A vote for me will not only let me continue some of the good works listed above, but it will also make you feel like the good minded citizen you obviously are. Plus, as the vote is anonymous, you will be doing a completely unselfish act and it’s not often you can say that.