Anyone but Alonso - Hungary

Anyone but Alonso – the slightly warped world of the anti-fan – Hungary GP 2011

For the first time in God knows when, Massa has out-qualified his ‘team-mate’ Alonso and starts in 4^th spot, one place ahead of the eyebrowed one.  This could mark the resurgence of Massa and the end of team orders at Ferrari.  I’m sorry, I take that back, I know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and will instead bet the house on Massa letting Teflonso past at some point in the first ten laps.

It’s a Bon Jovi start today (Slippery when Wet for all you youngsters) and everybody seems to be starting on the intermediate tyres today.  It’s a terrible start for the Teflon Don as he slips to 6^th, but after a battle with Schuey he retakes 5^th place.  Massa seems like he’s given up already, what a surprise.  Maybe he and Webber can have a ‘battle of the test drivers’ race?

Lap 5 sees Hamilton take Vettel as he loses grip on the turn.  Again Massa blatantly lets Alonso past after Alonso had left the track, again.  Seriously, is there any point to Massa at all?  I guess that’s why we always get a gutless display from him.  I was actually ashamed to be Brazilian watching that display, then I realised that I’m actually English so I stopped worrying about it.  After Hamilton pits, Grandfather Schuey gets to lead a GP for the first time in God also only knows when, but then he pits and everything returns to normal.

At some stage I really should address my feeling on the whole Sky/BBC job-share debacle, but at the moment all I can see is an opportunity to pay half my licence fee if I promise to only use one eye when watching the coverage.

Massa is now stuck behind Schuey and perhaps remembering the team orders from when they were both at Ferrari, respectfully holds position behind him.  The Brazilian is now driving like the part of the body the ladies have a Brazilian.

Lap 25 sees the Lotus of Heidfeld turn into a BBQ and then explode like the sausages I have forgotten about on my own BBQ in the garden.  Heidfeld seems to have escaped unscathed, but I’m sure there will be a heated exchange once he gets back to the team bus.  Schuey retires, but unfortunately, only from the race.

Come Lap 37 Alonso can afford to pit and still come out in front of Massa, such is the patheticness of Massa’s driving.  Vettel then pits and Alonso gains track position from him.  The commentary is full of talk about tyres – primes vs super-softs.  I have to admit that all this tyre talk detracts from the excitement of the race for me and makes me super-soft.  The crying shame is that Hamilton has put the wrong tyres on and will probably lose the race because of it.

As if to prove my point, Hamilton does a doughnut, nearly taking out Di Resta, leaving Button free to move into the lead.  Then with rain starting to fall again, Hamilton starts harassing Button and manages to get his lead back as Button goes wide into the turn.  The lead goes back and forth between them as they show Ferrari how a team should be run.  Team orders – Pah.  We then watch d’Ambrosio try a hand break turn into his pit stop, I’m not sure he saved himself any time though.

Lap 53 sees Hamilton pit and rejoin in third, he is also now under investigation for the earlier spin – and unsurprisingly he gets given a drive through penalty.  Plus he then has to change his tyres again as the rain didn’t hold, so he may as well just give up and go home.  He then rejoins the race behind the two number 2 drivers, Massa and Webber.  Both Webber and Hamilton breeze past the pedestrian Massa, again making we wonder WHAT IS THE POINT OF HIM?  Especially when you see all those in places 7 to 11 fighting for the remaining points behind him.  It’s a disgrace Ferrari operate like this.

Hamilton manages to get past Webber on Lap 64 as they are both making their way through the back markers.  As I watch Webber give up his place, I can’t help but think that it’s no coincidence that if your team treats you as second class driver then you end up driving that way.

This could be McLarens fourth win today, two for each of the drivers.  This shows that the ‘whoever is winning the race gets first choice’ tactic, whilst not working out for Hamilton this time, is a good tactic for the team as a whole.

The race finished then, with a win for Button, followed by Vettel, Alonso, Hamilton, and Webber, with Massa a distant sixth.  The HRT team finishes 22^nd and 23^rd - again proving they’re only good once a month.  We’re treated to a hilarious moment before the podium when Button asks Alonso “What happened to you, you kept going off?”  The speeding Gypsy remained tight lipped, but his immense eyebrows furrowed in protest at the cheek of the question.

So we now head into the enforced four week break.  The teams are not allowed to do anything for two of those weeks, so it will be interesting to see how long Teflonso's eyebrows will be by the time we get back.  Without having the use of the team’s angle grinders to trim them, I’m betting on at least an inch.

On a final note, during the whole of this GP my thoughts seem to have been dominated by Ferrari and Red Bull team orders.  When they see the excitement of the two McLaren drivers racing wheel to wheel against each other, they should hang their heads in shame.  Hopefully next season Sky will get the races where Red Bull and Ferrari cheat a win and the BBC will get the honest races, like the one we had today.